It’s been bothering me quite a lot lately. That certain dilemma. Actually, it all started from a dream. It’s not that I want believe so much in my dream, but my dream has proven itself, or rather dreams have proven themselves, to be far more than dreams. They are more like help, reminder etc to me. Let me give an example.
4 years ago when I flew to Perak for tertiary studies, I lost my luggage full of clothes (MAS mah, famous for that). I had 2 luggage for clothes but the formal ones (for registrations, classes and lectures) were in the one lost. Talk about being unlucky. I was wearing sleeveless top and jeans at the moment. I had to shop for formal attire (which ended up not so formal; faint pink slacks and blouse) to attend the registration that very afternoon at UTP, about 45 minutes away from any shopping centre. For shoes, there was simply no time, so I had to do with my bright blue sneakers. I remember being the brightest person there, with pink pants and bright blue shoes. Everyone was wearing baju kurung (Malay female attire) and black shoes (as indicated in the letter of acceptance).
Anyway, we lodged a complaint to MAS office and there was this officer who was really nice and helpful. I will always remember his help (we were so helpless back then). But all efforts were in vain, and my luggage couldn’t even be tracked! Usually they can track if the lost luggage had been misplaced and flown to another destination or left behind and so on. But mine was, ostensibly, lost in space. He (forgot the officer’s name) asked for detailed description of my luggage and I did give him. Maybe to me I think it is quite detailed but he thought my description was really common. He needed special or unique criteria to spot my luggage. Come to think of it, I think the airport must have had about infinite numbers of bluish green luggage of (the dimensions I gave then but forgot now) in size. After registration, my mum, aunt and I stayed over at Syuen Hotel waiting for news from MAS. But none came.
That night I fell asleep worrying over my luggage. Then, suddenly the phone rang and voila it was good news from MAS! They had found my luggage. The officer pulled my luggage over and handed it over to me. I was so happy to see my luggage. And I turned around to check my luggage for ‘unique’ criteria in case it gets lost again in future. My mum, and aunt were chatting with (and thanking) the officer happily.
Suddenly I exclaimed, “Hey look at this, I have this name tag over here.” The back of the bag was labeled with my name and address. I had done it few years back when I was traveling but I totally forgot about it. The officer said with a smile, “Yes, that’s the kind of information we need to track your bag. But that label is a bit too small. You should make a bigger and more visible one next time.”
And then I woke up. I immediately told my mum about the ‘dream’ I had. She told the officer about the name tag and within 3 hours later the scene in my dream realized in reality. Was it only a dream… or more?
Okay, back to what I was trying to say. The dream brought out the dilemma I was probably trying to forget when awake. It is probably one that I can’t decide so rather not think about.
I have choice A, which is among the top of my priorities. Choice B is among my priorities but not among the top. So, it is obvious that I should take choice A right? Yes, that’s what I’ve decided. But then, why is that dream haunting my slumber?
Choice A is a rather dead choice. Not to say it is not good, but meaning it is a choice you can take as long as you want to (and of course have the ability to). Maybe I should rephrase it as a fixed choice. Meaning the chances to take this choice will be open as long as you work hard enough for it. As in, there is no other party/ person who can stop you if you take this choice (well, literally speaking la). The timing is more flexible, though for ultimate result, it should still be weighed carefully in decision making. This choice is also open and I can venture into it as much as I want, doing background research/ preparation before I decide the pros and cons of it. I am very clear about it; maybe that’s why I am sure I want to take this choice.
Choice B is a little more alive or undead, which means it is not very fixed. It means the chances open for this choice is limited. And there will be a party/someone who can actually have the authority to obstruct you from taking this choice. But for now (or I think) it is not a problem, which means for now the chances are open for this choice. The timing for this choice is more limited too (I think). Although, I’ve been assured the timing is not critical but I don’t know how much I believe that. And even if it’s true that the timing is as assured, but there will still be a day when it will expire. This choice is kind of blurry to me. That’s because this choice has fluctuating and contrasting information. This choice can’t be penetrated as deeply as the one above because it will have side effects. It can only be observed and ‘learnt’ from the surface. And maybe that’s why I daren’t take this choice as I don’t have the guarantee and may regret if choice B does not turn out as expected and at the same time had caused me to destroy my dream in choice A.
Actually there’s another choice, a harmonious combination of both A and B above, Choice C. It is the ultimate choice I want, but I didn’t put it in my list of choices because this choice is not mine alone. There will have to be consent from anther party so I would not consider it a choice because it is not my choice totally. I do not have the entire right to make this choice.
So rationally, I should go for choice A. It may lead to future lament but if I take it, I am guaranteed of what is promised in Choice A. The only thing is I will never know what happens if I had taken Choice B instead. Sounds like the Robert Frost poem; The Road Not Taken. And that will bring a significant amount of regret because I do not deny the fact that if I could have more information and support for Choice B, its priority will rise considerably for me to willingly let go of Choice A. I guess this is something about risk. If I risk my head for Choice B, and do not get the return, it’s not worthy of letting go Choice A but nevertheless nowhere near the end of the world, whereas if I choose Choice A, I can sail a smooth journey and will safely anchor at my dream destination.
If only Choice C is available, I’ll be the happiest person on earth. Too bad, that’s not (entirely) my choice.
Argghhh, every time I think of this I go crazy and haywire. That’s why I’d rather not think. Get OUT of my HEAD!!!
4 years ago when I flew to Perak for tertiary studies, I lost my luggage full of clothes (MAS mah, famous for that). I had 2 luggage for clothes but the formal ones (for registrations, classes and lectures) were in the one lost. Talk about being unlucky. I was wearing sleeveless top and jeans at the moment. I had to shop for formal attire (which ended up not so formal; faint pink slacks and blouse) to attend the registration that very afternoon at UTP, about 45 minutes away from any shopping centre. For shoes, there was simply no time, so I had to do with my bright blue sneakers. I remember being the brightest person there, with pink pants and bright blue shoes. Everyone was wearing baju kurung (Malay female attire) and black shoes (as indicated in the letter of acceptance).
Anyway, we lodged a complaint to MAS office and there was this officer who was really nice and helpful. I will always remember his help (we were so helpless back then). But all efforts were in vain, and my luggage couldn’t even be tracked! Usually they can track if the lost luggage had been misplaced and flown to another destination or left behind and so on. But mine was, ostensibly, lost in space. He (forgot the officer’s name) asked for detailed description of my luggage and I did give him. Maybe to me I think it is quite detailed but he thought my description was really common. He needed special or unique criteria to spot my luggage. Come to think of it, I think the airport must have had about infinite numbers of bluish green luggage of (the dimensions I gave then but forgot now) in size. After registration, my mum, aunt and I stayed over at Syuen Hotel waiting for news from MAS. But none came.
That night I fell asleep worrying over my luggage. Then, suddenly the phone rang and voila it was good news from MAS! They had found my luggage. The officer pulled my luggage over and handed it over to me. I was so happy to see my luggage. And I turned around to check my luggage for ‘unique’ criteria in case it gets lost again in future. My mum, and aunt were chatting with (and thanking) the officer happily.
Suddenly I exclaimed, “Hey look at this, I have this name tag over here.” The back of the bag was labeled with my name and address. I had done it few years back when I was traveling but I totally forgot about it. The officer said with a smile, “Yes, that’s the kind of information we need to track your bag. But that label is a bit too small. You should make a bigger and more visible one next time.”
And then I woke up. I immediately told my mum about the ‘dream’ I had. She told the officer about the name tag and within 3 hours later the scene in my dream realized in reality. Was it only a dream… or more?
Okay, back to what I was trying to say. The dream brought out the dilemma I was probably trying to forget when awake. It is probably one that I can’t decide so rather not think about.
I have choice A, which is among the top of my priorities. Choice B is among my priorities but not among the top. So, it is obvious that I should take choice A right? Yes, that’s what I’ve decided. But then, why is that dream haunting my slumber?
Choice A is a rather dead choice. Not to say it is not good, but meaning it is a choice you can take as long as you want to (and of course have the ability to). Maybe I should rephrase it as a fixed choice. Meaning the chances to take this choice will be open as long as you work hard enough for it. As in, there is no other party/ person who can stop you if you take this choice (well, literally speaking la). The timing is more flexible, though for ultimate result, it should still be weighed carefully in decision making. This choice is also open and I can venture into it as much as I want, doing background research/ preparation before I decide the pros and cons of it. I am very clear about it; maybe that’s why I am sure I want to take this choice.
Choice B is a little more alive or undead, which means it is not very fixed. It means the chances open for this choice is limited. And there will be a party/someone who can actually have the authority to obstruct you from taking this choice. But for now (or I think) it is not a problem, which means for now the chances are open for this choice. The timing for this choice is more limited too (I think). Although, I’ve been assured the timing is not critical but I don’t know how much I believe that. And even if it’s true that the timing is as assured, but there will still be a day when it will expire. This choice is kind of blurry to me. That’s because this choice has fluctuating and contrasting information. This choice can’t be penetrated as deeply as the one above because it will have side effects. It can only be observed and ‘learnt’ from the surface. And maybe that’s why I daren’t take this choice as I don’t have the guarantee and may regret if choice B does not turn out as expected and at the same time had caused me to destroy my dream in choice A.
Actually there’s another choice, a harmonious combination of both A and B above, Choice C. It is the ultimate choice I want, but I didn’t put it in my list of choices because this choice is not mine alone. There will have to be consent from anther party so I would not consider it a choice because it is not my choice totally. I do not have the entire right to make this choice.
So rationally, I should go for choice A. It may lead to future lament but if I take it, I am guaranteed of what is promised in Choice A. The only thing is I will never know what happens if I had taken Choice B instead. Sounds like the Robert Frost poem; The Road Not Taken. And that will bring a significant amount of regret because I do not deny the fact that if I could have more information and support for Choice B, its priority will rise considerably for me to willingly let go of Choice A. I guess this is something about risk. If I risk my head for Choice B, and do not get the return, it’s not worthy of letting go Choice A but nevertheless nowhere near the end of the world, whereas if I choose Choice A, I can sail a smooth journey and will safely anchor at my dream destination.
If only Choice C is available, I’ll be the happiest person on earth. Too bad, that’s not (entirely) my choice.
Argghhh, every time I think of this I go crazy and haywire. That’s why I’d rather not think. Get OUT of my HEAD!!!
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