The rains and sunshines of my life: Budding, blooming, and withering...

Friday, April 28, 2006

Wounded Wings

No one to dry my tears
With whom to share my fear?
My mourns; tell me, who hears?
Whose heart, dare I near?

Feeling so icily lonely,
My fragile heart do you see?
From this island of doubt I wanna flee,
To soar among the cloud, high up & free…

Hear how sweet the birds sing,
Feel how swift the wind glides,
See how gay the leaves dance,
How I long to trail,
Yet the dagger in my heart stings,
And my soul’s frozen since,
Until someone mends my wounded wings…

Silence...

You used to tell me more,
Now I see a closed door…

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did." -Jack Handy

And since it’s something you did, you should know better, right? And that’s if that you are not too dazed and overlooked my existence. Yet I don’t think I’ve completely ceased out of your life, since you took so much effort (even more than showing me your sincerity) in telling me the best yet worst stories in my life. Some people just take words forgranted; busy ensuring themselves to speak so very beautifully in front of you, not realizing the ugly back scene is exposed. Liars, are something or someone I find hard to accept with love and forgiveness (pardon me I’m still learning to). It is not anger, no… not annoyance either… and definitely not happiness, no…. but rather disappointment. And if disappointment is a measure of how high you fall from your hopes, then Petronas twin towers need many more decades of Enfagrow… In fact, Everest would seem like a baby hill...

But I shall not ask for explanation, for it hurts too much, and degrades what we shared even more. If you thought I should have, then it’s not even worth it anymore... was it ever? You make me feel like speaking further is nothing but a total waste. You make me wished I haven’t... haven’t trusted you. You made me do what I fear most, and proved me I was right to fear so much all the time. You have no idea, what you’ve made me... or rather; you’ve no idea what you’re capable of making me stupidly willing to be in today’s state. I believe that I'm offended because I let myself be offended. You make me feel very uptight if I don't let this out, yet you know my fear, thus today's post. I will save it as draft, but maybe just one day, I will find the courage to post it. You have never seen my tears, so don’t say you’ll wipe them for me. Please don’t come and ‘play innocent’ with me, don’t come and intertwine our paths anymore, I’m not weak but I’m not strong enough to endure your ‘efforts’ either. You are but a stranger to me now. And I never have hard feelings for strangers. I wish you all the best...

I used to be your shooting star,
But now you seem too far...

Slow Dance


This poem was written by a terminally ill young girl in a New York Hospital.
It was sent by a medical doctor.


Have you ever watched kids,
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain,
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down,
Don't dance so fast,
Time is short,
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day,
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done,
Do you lie in your bed,
With the next hundred chores,
Running through your head?

You'd better slow down,
Don't dance so fast,
Time is short,
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die,
Cause you never had time,
To call and say,"Hi".

You'd better slow down,
Don't dance so fast,
Time is short,
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere,
You miss half the fun of getting there,
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away...

Life is not a race,
Do take it slower,
Hear the music,
Before the song is over.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

The Incident

Sal was humming ‘humorously’, but in fact Sal’s brain was exploding with all the dues and plans that met with much more obstacles than Sal had unexpectedly expected. With Sal’s mind vigorously doing the ‘organizing’ and equations of obstacles taunting to fail Sal’s plans and dreams, Son came and got Sal by surprise from behind. At first, Sal was merely taken off guard, and accepted the ‘deed’ well. It was after all a long time lame joke they shared among themselves.

But Son overdid it and Sal’s reaction distorted radically within the smallest fraction of a millisecond, from an uneasy acceptance, to a fiery reject. Sal turned around and gave the murderous glare at a laughing Son, and before Sal herself even knew it, Sal saw a Son’s shocking expression, and as the pain stung Sal’s heart, Sal woke up from the fierce blaze of anger and realized what happened. Besides a helpless yelp of pain, Son took hold of the left side of own cheeks, stupefied. With Sal’s heart beating at a violent thumping rate, Sal turned away, shocked by what was done.

Quietly, they both settled at their own matters separately. Sal knew Sal had hurt Son beyond imagination, because Sal felt the excruciating wound from within too. Sal wanted to see if Son was hurt, physically, because Sal was sure, emotionally, the wound was too deep for words, but felt too guilty to even face Son and look straight into Son’s upset eyes.

What Son didn’t know was that Sal had muttered ‘sorry’ from the moment Sal turned away from Son’s offended expression. Sal went to bed, muttering ‘sorry’ to sleep. Sal knew the damage was beyond repair, but maybe… *Sigh* ‘Maybe’ was already used too many times before, that Sal seriously doubted that it would again occur to the incident that night. There was no more ‘maybe’ than there was any chance of returning to perfect times. Sal sorry-ed to sleep, dreamt being sorry and woke up to a sorry day. Sal is sorry. Son, Sal is sorry, very sorry.

Son may say, “But maybe just not enough to mutter it out loud.”

Sal says: “It’s not that it’s not enough, but in fact Sal’s too sorry, too guilty, especially in front of Son’s offended eyes.”

Sal is sorry. Sal doesn’t ask of Son to accept it… just to know of it. There is no anger, or hatred, or avenging revulsion, but pure guilt… and further guilt and behind that mound of guilt, is an even deeper love.

R@in’s creation
April 27, 2006
All writes reserved! © :)

One-Egg-Less

Today I reach so very early, 7:12am! *Sighs* Come in office straight away met up with the ever-unavailable KC. After digging all the info needed and doing some bit of early-work, I decide to blog. Haha… Get back my time ma! What for work so much oh.

Come to think of it ar… I work almost 15 hours for this certain company (that underpays me)! >.< See, I usually start work at 7:30am till 5:30 pm. I usually only have 15minutes lunch! So okay, minus all the toilet breaks and lunch it should be 30 minutes, which means that’s already like 9.5 hours. Then after dinner and bath and a bit of ‘entertainment’ at home I will start on the reports, research, and presentation stuff again! Say, I start at 7pm till 11pm (minor cases) or even till 2am (major cases), so minimum everyday I work 9.5 + 4 = 13.5 hours and maximum would be 9.5 + 7 = 16.5 hours. *phew* Okayla, can minus another 30minutes off each which I sometimes use for blogging. Hehe…

What a hectic life man! I don’t look forward to such working life leh. And I think that’s already the minimum of working time in that company. Most of them go back OT on weekend and ‘OT’ for free during weekdays cause of the workload. So pitiful… And I think, I’m probably the only one who packs to go home at 5:30pm. Haha… Paiseh a bit. But well, let’s face it; I’m paid one ‘egg’ less in my pay slip so I get some ‘privilege’ huh? ;P

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Crave Remedy

For those of you starving out there...









GOOD News!!!














I have the remedy for you!



















Here...



















~The 'Crave' Remedy~

Okay, this green slime sucks... I think it makes my stomach goes upside down. Ueek..



Feeling better? No? Haha... Ok, back to work... :P

I miss...

Okay, despite how much I claim to detest a certain desert place in the heart of Tronoh, I would be lying if I say I hadn’t missed any bit of it. :)

I miss...

1) Sleeping way past midnight and feeling it’s perfectly normal.
2) Waking up whenever I like (the art of adjusting timetable and skipping classes)
3) Napping whenever I like (the art of sleeping in lectures and even skipping them)
4) Marathon-ing downloaded dramas / animes / movies all for free.
5) Having free flow of water, electricity, net (though it’s terrible).
6) Sudden midnight movies outing.
7) Very sudden midnight movies (usually in the midst of exams and taunting projects, motivated by stress)
8) My roommate’s really kawaii laugh.
9) My coursemate’s (a.k.a. neighbor) unkawaii-trying-to-be-yeng face.
10) Our oh-so-lame ‘fights’.
11) Laundry marathon.
12) Saying the phrases ‘done-d? & borrow’, ‘eh, see, see’, ‘AKL, kao sai lei la’
13) T’s ‘pleasant’ means of emergence.
14) J’s professional birthday cake-cutting.
15) E’s amazing schemes of bypassing certain (or is it most?) rules.
16) L’s wonderful ‘storytelling’.
17) A certain nag-gy coursemate.
18) The badminton gang(s).
19) The crazy midnight badminton gang.
20) The peel-your-skin weather
21) Some of the ‘lengzais’ (haha…)
22) All the ‘lengluis’ (HAHAha…)


Eh, that’s about it. Seems like not much also la. Haha… As you can see, I missed the ‘good’s and the ‘bad’s, I missed all but academically-oriented aspects of that desert, such as:

1) The ‘excitements’ of facing ruthless viva-ers. (viva-er is a new vocabulary I invent for people who viva viva-ee)
2) The rare nights (or days) that you actually have the chance to feel brain saturation (of academic stuff that is).
3) The ever ‘pleasant’ schedule of tests & exams.
4) The ‘heavenly’ sleepless-week(s) during peak workload.
5) The cycle of tests, presentations, projects that never fails to be a mass of muddled chains.

… I decided not to remind myself of what I loathe so much. :P

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Off-Hiatus

Ah, well this blog will slowly resume from its sudden-hiatus mode since the past fortnight. I’ve been busy. Too busy for words. I think I must’ve have lost my mind agreeing to the most recent volunteer task I uptake (not BT stuff). I find myself facing the computer for as long as I’m awake, with the exception of meal and bath times, straight till bedtime. My eyes are getting sore as both my home and office computer does not have that monitor ‘protection’ thing (forgot what it’s called, mind not in thinking mode).

I must have a thing for dropping gadgets into the toilet bowl because today I nearly dropped my handphone in there! Luckily, I caught it just in time. If not, I will take emergency leave and go buy a new handphone and USB drive and go home and sleep till tomorrow to recharge myself. Yeah, that’s what I feel like doing now. Sleep for 24 or even 48 hours but I think the main cause for fatigue is because of the constant glaring monitor. Otherwise, it’s the running up and down looking for people never to be found. Hmmph! Oh that reminds me of the appointment later at 10am. Finally the ‘master of disappearing act’ has found the initiative of looking me up. Thank goodness.

The Malaysian Badminton Thomas Cup team is, or should I say was in Kuching for the past fortnight and I did not get the chance to meet them… *sobs* *WAILS* as I had been superbly busy the moment they reached Kuching until today (yet ended actually, but I’m running low on fuel). Then before I know it, they had already left. Sheesh… Anyway, wishing them all the best for the Thomas Cup. Why do I have a feeling that they will win this time? Don’t know, maybe I think they are all in their best shape with the exception of Wong Choon Han (I mean he has long past his peak performance ‘time’). The rest seems to be at the peak, though Chong Wei seems to have slight back injury. Haha, so many ‘though’s and ‘but’s, but I still have this instinct that they are winning. Bluek! :P Go Malaysia! Malaysia Boleh (menang and kalah)! Haha… Cannot lah, this time must win!

Lastly, I must find a time to top up my handphone as the airtime is up (2 weeks ago). Argghhh, I’m usually rushing whenever I’m in the mall so of course I tend to forget about stuff like this. Just as I thought I could save some money by cutting myself off from the phone, it proved so much more inconvenience that I’d rather spend few bucks to get it properly functioning again. How in the world do people without phones live? Haih, it’s been decades since I last used a public phone and today when I was in emergency need of it, it was nowhere to be seen in XSi compounds. -_- So I apologize sincerely to those of you waiting for my replies / documents. Seriously until I top up my phone I can’t suggest a better way to contact me as I’m still very much disconnected (thanks to Telecolm’s ‘efficiency’), and soon even from office net as I am moving into the lab! -_-…..

7 Don'ts after a Meal

Don't know how true... but well...

(1) Don't smoke- Experiment from experts proves that smoking a cigarette after meal is comparable to smoking 10 cigarettes (chances of cancer is higher).

(2) Don't eat fruits immediately - Immediately eating fruits after meals will cause stomach to be bloated with air. Therefore take fruit 1-2 hr after meal or 1hr before meal.

(3) Don't drink tea - Because tea leaves contain a high content of acid. This substance will cause the Protein content in the food we consume to be hardened thus difficult to digest.


(4) Don't loosen your belt - Loosening the belt after a meal will easily cause the intestine to be twisted & blocked.


(5) Don't bathe - Bathing will cause the increase of blood flow to the hands, legs & body thus the amount of blood around the stomach will therefore decrease. This will weaken the digestive system in our stomach.
(6) Don't walk about - People always say that after a meal walk a hundred steps and you will live till 99. In actual fact this is not true. Walking will cause the digestive system to be unable to absorb the nutrition from the food we intake.


(7) Don't sleep immediately - The food we intake will not be able to digest properly. Thus will lead to gastric & infection in our intestine.

Monday, April 24, 2006

"Nightmare" & Rings

I feel so bad that I entirely forgot about this blog I have until I got an email notification from the blog. Haha… Kays, I’ve been dreaming to buy a new digital camera, laptop, USB drive… Actually it’s more to the digital camera and USB drive. Yeah, my tiny USB drive is really nice to use so why do I want to change? I hate to say this, but well it fell into erm… the toilet bowl. Hey, it’s not funny okay. Yuck, so I can’t live without the USB drive (more like the reports and information in it). My life and next few lives depended on it, so... oh well to save going through the unbearable frustration again, what I can say is the USB drive did not get flushed down. It is still serving its mistress well. The ordeal it (and I) had to go through…

Now, back to my wish for the gadgets. Last night I got my wish when I retired to bed as early as 9pm (dead tired). Well, kind of. In the dream which is a mixture of both 2001 St3 5Sc1 people and Hock Lee Centre. Naturally I wondered what I was doing back in secondary school (not in even Form 5 but it was the 5Sc1 people). I was in the blue pinafore. Then someone commented I look like a primary school kid. Hmmph! (fast forward boring stuff) Okay I bought a laptop and digital camera in a matter of minutes from a salesgirl (which happened to be Fungus head – I have no idea why) by a booth at Hock Lee Center (near main door below the escalator). I got it both at a really unbelievably low price of RM4000. Cheap things as usual never come in good condition. It was then I realized it had so much short comings I wondered why it was even called digital camera. I wanted to return it about 10 minutes after I bought it. But Fungus head won’t let. Yeah that’s about it; my nightmare of RM 4000 plus a set of very big flappy wings. Woke up groaning over my fortune lost. It was only after a few minutes of half-awake-mourning that I realized it was just a dream. Haha, so if I were to face a boggart, it would be some cash with white wings! :P

Some old pictures from a friend. It seemed so 'nothing' to me last time. Now, come propose with any of the below (least expectation, or you can come with something nicer) and I will consider considering. Just kidding la... Haha… Life very tiring ma. I still prefer soaring freely. ;) Now I understand why a certain someone always said, “Haih, I go back xxxx, and marry a rich man suan la."
In descending order of my favourites excluding the last 3 which are really not my taste... :P



Nice rings huh? Diamonds are forever? Or not? I have yet witnessed its eternality. -_-"

~A diamond heart is worth infinite times more than a diamond ring~

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Still alive...

Ah… the long break from blogging. Hehe… I’m back again. Actually I still don’t really have time for this but well, just trying to keep things alive. The absence clearly indicates my super busy life has just taken off for the worse, or maybe the worst. I’m actually typing this, half awake or half sleeping, depending how you want to see it. Head is kind of drowsy.

I’ve just completed my week 15 pages long Week19 Logbook cum report. If I don’t get an excellent… (growls…. zzzz…). Anyway, the whole thing is full of electrical / physics / reliability theories from the IRPS (International Reliability Physics Symposium on March 2006) which I tried to cramp in my brain (but I think less than 50% is in) for the whole of last week.

And now, I am trying to squeeze some fWLR into my already saturated brain. Ahh… can’t think of what to write anymore with this kind of drowsy head (unless you want me to crap on physics and reliability!). Oh yea, got a forwarded mail on some quiz thing. I actually did it some time ago with Aivilo and Fungus head when we were bored, waiting for the LRT, which brings me to wonder when are the Russian people coming back for holidays? And also the rest of you people la. Okays, see you guys another time when I am less sleepy.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Mystery Solved

Okay, this post is actually saved like stone ages ago but I didn't get to post it, which is why is it new but old. Get it? Haha... meaning it will be dated in old date (when I saved the post) but it is just published today (24th April) :P Lagging la sorry... Think the load of work came at that 'golden hour'. Hehe... But not sure the seventh dolphin and second heart correct or not...

Monday, April 10, 2006

Latest Car Security




Lee Sheng Jie ~ 你那么爱他

Ahah, I’ve got a new song stuck in my head! It’s Lee Sheng Jie’s ‘Ni Na Me Ai Ta’ (You Love Him So). Actually it’s a duet with another singer but I can’t remember the other’s name. Not very famous maybe.

你那么爱他 (You loved him so)

Lee Sheng Jie & Ling Long Xuan (after checking I found out it’s this other guy :P)

直到爱消失 你才懂得 去珍惜身边每个
Until love has ceased, then you begin understanding, begin appreciating those around you
美好风景 只是他早已离去
Beautiful scenery, but he has left long ago
直到你想通 他早已经 不再对你留恋
Until you’ve thought it through, he no longer misses you
最后的你 开始了一段挣扎
At last, you began to struggle
你那么爱他 为什么不把他留下
You loved him so, why didn’t you ask him to stay?
为什么不说心里话
Why didn’t you speak the voice of your heart?
你深爱他 这是每个人都知道啊
You love him deeply, this everyone knows so,
你那么爱他 为什么不把她留下
You loved him so, why didn’t you ask him to stay?
是不是你有深爱的两个他
Is it because you have two that you deeply love?
所以你不想再让自己 无法自拔
So you don’t wish to let yourself (don’t understand how to translate)
直到爱消失 你才懂得 去珍惜身边每个
Until love has ceased, then you begin understanding, begin appreciating those around you
美好风景 只是他早已离去,
Beautiful scenery, but he has left long ago
直到你想通 他早已经 不再对你留恋
Until you’ve thought it through, he no longer misses you
最后的你 开始了一段挣扎
At last, you began to struggle
*你那么爱他 为什么不把他留下
You loved him so, why didn’t you ask him to stay?
为什么不说心里话
Why didn’t you speak the voice of your heart?
你深爱他 这是每个人都知道啊
You love him deeply, this everyone knows so,
你那么爱他 为什么不把她留下
You loved him so, why didn’t you ask him to stay?

是不是你有深爱的两个他
Is it because you have two that you deeply love?
所以你不想再让自己 无法自拔

So you don't wish to let yourself (don't understand how to translate) *2X

Friday, April 07, 2006

Challenge

I got this email like years ago. But I never found time to realy look into it. Will start looking today. :P Tell me if you can find all! Hehe...

/This is a challenge for you to solve, in those pictures have 7 dolphins and 7 hearts, can you find it?

If you can find 3: You are just like average people.
If you can find 4: You are getting close to smart.
If you can find 5: You are pretty smart.
If you can find 6: You have excellence imagination and vision.
If you can find 7: You are the best./



7 Dolphins?

7 Hearts?


Good Luck people! :)

p/s: (updated after looking) I think I found 7 hearts and 7 dolphins, though the last find of each could be something else haha...